Fourteen

Fourteen


I do not love my son
I am in love with my son
The way they write about soul mates
Is the way that I think about him
His mind moves in my heart
And my heart moves in his soul
His soul moves above the waters
The waters that is me
And I sing to him a song like
I am the goddess of the seas
So I do not love my son
But I am in love with my son
In the ways that they wait
For someone to save their souls
My soul has been saved
The day after Christmas
The day he was born
Fourteen years ago

Today


Copyright © 2014 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.


A Viaxe Continua!

       Hello, wonderfuls! How are the holidays going for you? I hope just as wonderful as you are! So lately, I have been thinking about how I differentiate myself from other public figures, been thinking about the big difference that I feel exists between what it is that I do and what it is that other people are doing. In doing so, I've reflected back to when I first started becoming a serious writer, because that's when I asked myself what I was doing. What am I doing? I asked myself, and I wasn't sure yet but one thing that I was sure of, was the fact that I knew what I wasn't! And what was it that I wasn't? Well, I wasn't an entertainer, that's what I was sure of. I knew that I didn't see myself as an entertainer, I knew that I wasn't writing to make people happy, or to entertain people. And beyond that, I didn't have any answers yet, but that's the one thing that I did know.
       So why didn't I consider myself to be an entertainer? Well, because I knew that I wasn't going to write anything in order to make people happy; that just wasn't my goal. I didn't have this goal of pleasing people. But I felt in my heart that I had a mission— that I needed to go into a certain direction, because if not, I wouldn't be able to fulfil that mission! And so I went into that direction, I just kept on following the path that kept on filling the void that was in me. You see, the void within you is like a hungry animal. Pick your favourite animal! Okay, now imagine that animal inside of you, living inside of your ribcage, and it's hungry! You find the direction that you're supposed to go into, by feeling where that animal's food is coming from! And so you keep on feeding it, you keep on heading into that direction, you keep on going that way... because you don't want it to go hungry! And that's what I've been doing!
       As I look back at the year which is now coming to a close, I can see how many times I got angry at people and I can see the root of that being their expectation of me to fulfil their desires for themselves. Whenever I got a word of, "You disappoint me by saying this" my reaction would immediately be, "The hell I care if you're disappointed!" But right now I can see that what it really was, was me saying, "I'm trying to feed my tiger here, stop trying to take his food away!" It was this inner hunger that I was feeding and it annoyed me beyond belief to feel even for just a minute, that anyone would think that I was there hoping that they're happy with me. That's what it was really about!
       And as I look back at the year which is nearing its end in a few days, I can see how many times I've felt comforted by all of my wonderfuls, by all of you! Time and time again, you guys would pop out of nowhere to remind me that I was going in the right direction, that the tiger was being fed, that I would eventually really see the destination and know that I had found my way! Time and time again, you brought tears to my eyes, letting me know just how much my existence has moved in your beings!
      When I post photos, that is a form of expression for me— self-expression— not an offering of entertainment. When I share things that I write or that I just think, that is an activity of creation that I perform with my hands and my mind! I am building inner cities that are invisible to the eye but that are felt in the hearts of thousands of people, everywhere! I am a builder of invisible cities.
       I want to say thank you, to each and every wonderful out there, and especially to those ones who have loved me the most. Thank you because you saw me walking on my path and you chose to walk with me. And look! We have a whole new year ahead! A viaxe continua!


C. Bells


Of Roses

Of Roses


If all of the
Words from my pen
Were imprinted onto
My skin
I would be
A hurricane
A hurricane
A hurricane
A hurricane
A hurricane
Of Roses

Sweet roses



Copyright © 2014 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.  


Discount Code for December!

Hey, wonderfuls! Just wanted to let you know that for the rest of the month of December, you'll be able to get The Sun Is Snowing: The Scrapbook, at 20% off, with this discount code: WEEYDN69 which can be applied at checkout from the book's CreateSpace direct store. Knock yourselves out, beautifuls! This particular book would make a great Christmas/ holiday present!

With love and holiday cheer,
C. Bells

Here's a lot for you to think about.

       As you wonderfuls all know, I am one to see the stories that unfold in all the pockets of air around us. Invisible, unseen stories unfold in front of my eyes, they come from the thoughts and feelings of people, trees, stones, the water, the air... the cats... bottom line is, I pick up stories, or rather, I soak up stories.
       Now, many of you also know that I take a lot of university open online courses, so naturally, I have been able to pick up the stories from those classroom forums. And I have a few things to say, so brace yourselves.
       I previously thought that all the talk about educational systems being detrimental to the growth of the individual rather than beneficial, was just that, all a bunch of talk. But now I can see that those people are coming from somewhere and they know what they're talking about. You'd think that a non-traditional learning environment like a MOOC (Massive Open Online Course) would cultivate non-traditional, beneficial reactions and behaviours from the students enrolled. Sure, it is the case in some seldom circumstances— but then those circumstances are very seldom. Most of the time, I am saying to myself, If this is how adults act in life, then how can any adult anywhere, expect more from the younger generation? If we are to expect nobility or at least just decency, from the younger generation, shouldn't we be the ones to first exude these traits? To cultivate these traits within us? 
       Just like any high school from your everyday, average high school nightmare session— people in MOOCs try to be teachers' pets, try to go off in little "groups", try to huddle together whilst making others feel bad... it's high school minds in adult bodies. It's terrible. Really, it is. But more than just the shallow high school nightmarish stuff, it does go much deeper than that. I have encountered classmates who are so afraid of the grading systems, that they would rather follow the prescribed grading system (because we grade one another for our written essays) than grade a fellow student according to how they see fit. Now what I'm saying here, is that many times, the grading rubric puts a limit on the student. Many times, a student will perform so much better than the ceiling reach of the rubric provided. In such cases, I will give the fellow classmate a perfect score. I don't allow the rubric to limit the performance of a peer. Of course, there is the big question, But what if the other students don't do the same for me? But the way I see it, is that it really doesn't matter. If I give everyone I grade a perfect score, that won't make my own score go down and if I fail everyone I grade, that wouldn't make my own score go up, either! So why not give to someone what that someone really deserves? And when an essay I am grading is absolutely terrible, what I do is try to use the rubric to find "rubric goodies" within it. I'm like, "Okay, really bad essay, let's see if this lacklustre rubric can squeeze some good stuff out of you."
       I'm afraid I am witness to people turning into "sheeple", in the educational system called the MOOC. And if I can see this in a very progressive system of teaching, then how much more of this is going on in the traditional educational setting? Or perhaps it's just because these adults all went to school traditionally many years ago, and are already presently sheeple and really just don't know any other better way of being? What do you think? I think that lots of people come in as sheeple and want everybody else to be sheeple, too. It's almost like their worlds are shaken to hear a different way of doing things (because I always share my own ways of doing things, in the forums). It makes them feel uneasy, it makes them feel disoriented. Why is that woman grading the essays like that! What if it's not my essay she's grading? Then that will mean someone will get a really big score just because she grades that way, which means my score won't be so big in comparison, which means I need to stop this woman and tell her that she's doing things wrongly! I'm pretty sure that's how some people think, because that's sure how some of them react.
       Aside from the points already discussed here, I also see gender oppression in MOOCs. I have a very feminine, sweet name and I'm pretty sure that's why some students follow me around in the forums relentlessly, down-voting my comments and discussions, for no reason whatsoever. I could say "Thank you" in a comment and somebody will down-vote it. Meanwhile, a woman named "Barbara" or "Susan" (strong sounding names), can say whatever they want without taking any heat. There is a list of top people in the forums and I have looked at these lists, and curiously, all females with feminine names (Maria, Anna, Marie, Emma, etc.) have a significantly higher rate of down-votes as compared to the men and the other women with more robust-sounding names. So why is it that you can be smart, say smart things, but then be bullied because you have a feminine sounding name? And do keep in mind that this is all online, people don't even know what other people look like, aside from the tiny, little itty bitty profile photo that we are allowed to have for the forums. So this is all activity that I have noticed amongst people who don't even have physical interaction with one another.
       Another remarkable thing I've observed, is how, at the beginning of a course, everybody treats everybody else a bit roughly. Well, not everybody. But very many. Then at the end of a course, everybody will be wishing everyone else well. This makes me conclude that students come into a course with a very high sense of competition, of a need to compete, as if being in school is being in a reality t.v. show where there is only one winner and that winner is going to take home a hundred thousand dollars!
       Why are adults acting like this? Why are all these issues still rampant in today's world? Aren't we all getting any better, at all? Aren't we all becoming more and more "enlightened"? Or is that all just a bunch of shit that we say when we're on Facebook? Is that all just a bunch of talk that people say on Facebook and make into memes? Seriously, where are all the enlightened, free-thought, full-of-positivity people? They're certainly not in the classrooms! So what does it mean when we realise that educational systems are in fact not fostering what we know should be fostered in everyone, everywhere? In our kids and in our selves!
       I will leave you with a lot to ponder upon, today. And I want you to ponder upon all of these points, because it's serious stuff and we need to change it. You can change it. One person at a time. If we want our kids to be better people, then we need to be better people, first. Frankly, I am truly tired of being a catalyst for change wherever I go, because it's not like I try to be it, it's just that I'm divergent and I can't conform to anything that I know is not the best for anyone to conform to. So I end up shattering walls and building new structures and it gets tiring. It gets tiring because more often than not, you're all alone! Not everyone is divergent. In fact, most people are not divergent, that's why you're divergent, in the first place, because you're different, because most people aren't like you. But I can't stop being divergent, because this is me. What I can do, is encourage you to join me. Trust me, it's hard, but we sure do have some fun over here!

C. Bells.

Some great TEDs for you, today!

I've got two TED Talks I'd like to share with you today, the first one is by Alessandro Acquisti, wherein he discusses the astounding issues of privacy that we all face in today's digitally connected world, and the second one is a talk from Sally Kohn, wherein she discusses "emotional correctness" as the best approach for bridging political gaps between people. I think both of these topics are highly applicable on various levels of our daily lives, so I wanted to share these with you all, today. Do learn something and do enjoy as you learn! :)





What's Wrong With You?

What’s Wrong With You?



Look at you. So beautiful, so intense, so
Full of things like fire and waves
You have laughter coming out of your ears
And icing stains on your lips, you’re a wonderful girl
What is wrong with you? Why can’t you just
Let yourself be loved? Why are you never
Good enough for yourself? You know it in your head
But why doesn’t it feel like that inside your ribcage, in the middle
Of your chest? Because it should. It should feel like that.
You should know.

You’re going to have to fight to know that
You can be loved, you will be loved, and you are worth
Every single drop of it.

Always will be.


 Copyright © 2014 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.


My Battles

My Battles


They have played music for me
And asked me to dance
But then they put me here
In iron pants

Given me feathered wings
And pushed me to fly
Then put me in a cage
They don’t tell me why

I was told to sing
The song of the birds
And glide
With the grace of the swans

It was demanded that I
Taste the lush berries
Every last drop
Of reddened juice

But then they placed me
In the desert
Parched by the heat
My feathers, they wilt

But then they placed me
In a valley
Told me to climb my way
To the mountaintops

Let no man judge me
No one knows of my struggles
Let no woman envy me
No one knows of my battles

Copyright © 2014 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.


The poem above is written as an ode to one of the very first poems that really left its mark with me, the poem by Earnest Hemingway:


The Age Demanded
BY ERNEST M. HEMINGWAY

The age demanded that we sing
And cut away our tongue.

The age demanded that we flow
And hammered in the bung.

The age demanded that we dance
And jammed us into iron pants.

And in the end the age was handed
The sort of shit that it demanded.


I Will

I Will

I have become so strong
That
The only thing that can
Topple me down
Is my own fear
For though it is small
It is powerful
Because it shares
A part in my strength
It rises as I rise
Like a wave in the ocean
It rises with the rest
Of the Ocean in me
As the Moon
Pulls on the tides

I am the Moon
And I am the Ocean
But there is a wave
In me
That roars along with
The rest of me
If only I can learn
To command it

But I will


Copyright © 2014 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

Modern Muse

This is such a beautiful video to watch and for some reason, it makes me smile and have tears in my eyes at the same time, which I think is a strange reaction to have to such a video, but I am guessing that I feel like I can identify with the muse in the video, that's why. :-) I hope you enjoy watching it! :-)

Skinwalker

Skinwalker



I want to cover myself
In the skin of a bear
I want to wear
The skin of a deer
A deer who leaps fast
And jumps high
A bear that is mighty
And valiant
I want to wear
The horns of a stag
The face of a wolf
Eagle feathers
I want to cover myself
So I don’t need
To feel too much
 I want my skin to be
Another’s skin
So maybe
I don’t need to feel
All the things that I feel
The pumping of the blood in my heart
I feel that
The whisper of my fear
I hear that
The familiar tear on my face
I feel that
Why do I feel that
Why do I feel too much of too much
Of too much of too much
Of everything?
So if I were a skinwalker
Walking in the strong skin
Of an animal
I would be protected
I would be free
Maybe I am an animal
Maybe I just need to remember which one
And maybe if I remember
I can forget
All of this

And just be


Copyright © 2014 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.


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